i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
