Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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