after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
