i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
