really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
