Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
