I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
