New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
