i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
