good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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