I can't watch pbs sober anymore
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42ā€¯ tv lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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