i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
