I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
