You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
