ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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