Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
