You can't motorboat a personality
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
