maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
