also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
