Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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