I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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