i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
