no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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