I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
