I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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