would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
