Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
