Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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