someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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