I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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