Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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