Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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