I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
