I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize