You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
