she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
