i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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