I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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