i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
