My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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