omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
