My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
