u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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