I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
