a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
