Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
