it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
