What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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