Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
