Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
