I got chris browned last night
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
