We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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