You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
