Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
