My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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